I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
