She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
