Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This toilet bowl is my home.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
