If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize