I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
