you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
