When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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