its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I am naked and annoyed.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
