I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
