i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
