you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
