you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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