Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
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You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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