so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
