My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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