It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
