the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
