I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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