Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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