You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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