im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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