I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
