sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
