if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is it because I queefed?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
