OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
this is an emotional support booty call
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
