i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
