i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
