margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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