I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
