there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
