Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
