They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
