trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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