I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Sext me about skeletons
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