I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm too high and old for this...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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