i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
