just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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