...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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