We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
