I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
