i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
