If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
