apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
