I'm eating all of the evidence.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
