i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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