im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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