Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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