i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
