hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
