just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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