I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
