The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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