how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need to calm my uterus...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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