The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
