The maid of honor just puked.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
