I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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