no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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