O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
