He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
