I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
