I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
