whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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