i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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