The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
