My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
