Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
