True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Randomize
