The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
