there's paper in my vomit.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
