I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
