Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
