just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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